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Children In Urban Situations
Being a parent is not easy. Parenting in an urban setting presents even more challenges. There are the positive aspects. Many communities are organic: life is flexible and informal, perhaps chaotic but real and immediate, blurred at the edges. There is a communal spirit: we’re in this together. In many areas, there is the richness of lifestyles and traditions brought by the new communities. But there are also the negative aspects. The urban environment is concentrated and dense, space is limited, facilities may be poor, street culture is powerful, vandalism an issue, there may be racial tensions. Many families in such areas exist under great pressure. This may come from poverty, unemployment, substance misuse (including alcohol). It may come from reconstituted families, live-in partners, promiscuity, teenage mums, lone parents. It may come from a sense of isolation and loneliness – of being nobody in the midst of a crowd. Low self-esteem is a big issue among many children, leading to behavioural problems. Schools need teachers to be counsellors, law enforcers, negotiators, skilled in conflict resolution, understanding of racial and cultural issues – and teachers.
How can churches even begin to respond to such issues? CURBS (Children in URBan Situations) was set up in 1996 to support, train and provide resources to help churches respond to the needs of inner-city children. Over the years, we have developed a strong theoretical framework which underpins our work and marries up three elements: the developmental needs of children, their spirituality and the urban context. We recognise that the child in our church or group is part of a set of wider systems: a neighbourhood, a school, a peer group and, most importantly, a family. A survey conducted amongst those who use our resources, indicated that family issues were the key concern in their work with children. If we can learn how to support families effectively, then we will be supporting the child.
At the heart of all we do, is the building of quality relationships and we have learned that this is one of the greatest needs of urban families. Many mothers in particular are isolated. At a recent fun day in a local park, the mother of a pre-schooler whom we invited to a parent and toddler group commented that she’d been living in the area for three years but didn’t know anyone and hardly ever went out. In an attempt to build relationships with such families, a local church has for several years organised a weekend away at a holiday camp for families on the fringe. These may be families who have never been to the church, but with whom friendships have been built up through the local school, as neighbours and so on. Several of them have now started coming to the church. The church has also organised groups where parents can come and chat about issues around bringing up children. These are not formal parenting classes, but an opportunity to share concerns in a friendly, informal and non-judgmental setting – often leading to opportunities to talk about much wider issues.
Within some of the Asian communities in our inner cities, women do not have many opportunities to mix freely with others in a social setting. The expectation that they should remain at home limits their ability to feel a part of the local community, their circle of friendships, their opportunities for learning English. Activities held in a ‘safe’ place such as a school tend to be more acceptable. We recently ran a ‘Meet and Greet Club’ at a school to help parents (primarily from an Asian background) learn about the importance of talking with their child. Over the course of the five sessions, mothers who had been silent, talked and learnt from the materials and advice on offer and also from each other. They had never before realised the importance of talking and listening to their children.
There is a saying that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. In other words, the child grows and develops through all the varied relationships within his environment. In our work with churches, we adapt this to say ‘it takes a healthy village to raise a healthy child’. Our churches need to be healthy villages in order to raise healthy children, and for this to happen they need to offer support for the child and support for the setting. The child needs support to develop in healthy directions – to be listened to, valued and accepted unconditionally. But just as important, the setting within which the child operates (the family, school, peer group, neighbourhood) needs to be supported itself if it is adequately to support the child. A key aspect is the family. Churches need to offer space, time, a listening ear, practical help with child care for an exhausted parent, a meal provided at a crucial time, help with filling in a form, support on a visit to social services or the school, a holiday for a family which never has one – the possibilities are endless and the potential for building long-term relationships huge.
However, the church itself needs to be healthy, and for this it needs to have a strong focus on relationships, to develop a child-centred attitude, to be a place where children – and families – are truly ‘seen’, to be a place where the leadership take time to explore and seriously consider the issues involved in understanding the child as a sign of the Kingdom, and it needs to be a place where those who work with children and families are valued, affirmed and supported. Where the church is healthy, children and their families will have a setting in which to flourish.
O God, give us vision for our cities, that they may be cities of justice, cities of prosperity and cities of peace, in which vice and poverty cease to fester, children play in the streets in safety and the elderly walk without fear.
Grant to our urban communities respect for all peoples and families and that education and health may be available for all.
Enlarge our minds, our wills and our hearts that we may dream great dreams and have the boldness to bring these into effect.
Hear thou, O Lord, the prayer of all our hearts.
Amen
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