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England
In an Indian village, a Christian woman who has died lies unburied. Her community refuses to allow her burial because she was married to a Muslim; the Muslim community refuses because she did not convert. In the end only the secular authorities will provide a hasty burial. In Palestine, a congregation holds a mock funeral service for a young woman who has shamed her family by marrying out of her faith.
Sad conflicts like these reflect a view of faith identity as a matter of loyalty, of belonging as much as personal belief. They may seem remote from the current situation in Britain and other western countries where inter faith relationships are increasingly common, as contact between people of different faiths increases. In a culture which values personal autonomy of men and women - those working with them both in the expression of belief and identity and in choice of marriage partner - inter faith marriage may be seen as a mark of the success of multicultural integration. A generation ago an inter faith wedding in church would have been difficult to contemplate, nowadays couples can find a welcome; new marriage rules in England will make it easier for ceremonies to incorporate aspects of different traditions.
Secular freedom makes inter faith marriage possible and acceptable; it does not eliminate the crucial issue of religious identity for the couple. They may agree to 'do both' or emphasise those aspects of culture and outlook that are shared. But for most there are issues over which they have to negotiate. How should a Christian and Jewish family observe Passover and Easter, a Muslim spouse cope with Christmas? What and how much should children be taught about religion when often what is true religious knowledge is deeply contested? To bring the detachment of a comparative religion course into married life is hard, especially when couples have to find a workable compromise in isolation, without understanding or support from family or faith community. Where one partner has a clearly articulated faith, rules grounded in religion may efface those of the 'less certain' partner. In Islam, children of a Muslim father are Muslim, and exposure to a parent's Christian culture may be unacceptable. Yet even in families where only one faith is practised, if there is a lack of recognition of 'the other identity', that partner can end up feeling marginal and estranged. Conflicts between faith groups on a world stage may also 'pull the couple apart.'
Inter faith couples benefit from sensitive pastoral care before and after the wedding in learning to identify and address these kinds of issues. Contact with others in similar marriages also helps tackle their isolation, and several recent initiatives aim to provide this. A new website sponsored by Churches Together for Families, an ecumenical forum, at www.interfaithmarriage.org.uk shares information, insight, resources and a virtual meeting place for couples and those working with them.
Given the risks of failure and unhappiness, would it be better simply to discourage inter faith marriages? Are the faiththreatening compromises of an 'unequal yoking' too severe to contemplate?
The fact is these marriages reflect current reality in which people, ideas and faiths do interact and affect each other. Love often does transcend boundaries, the difficulty involved making the determination to succeed stronger. Many couples report a sense of engaging with reality, and of being spiritually enriched by the interior dialogue between their partner's faith and their own. They may well explore faith and faiths more searchingly, but many find their own faith ultimately deepened by the encounter.
Christianity is a religion which happens in difficult places, and as a belief which calls to relationship with Christ through our fellow man, it speaks to the experience of inter faith marriage. Could we even see these relationships, where they are successful and tolerant, as a valuable bridge between faith communities?
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