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this page Newsletters - The International Year of the Family
Sri Lanka - Family life - changes, problems and advances
Family life in Sri Lanka has seen several challenges over the past decade.
The civil war, foreign migrant labour and growing divorce rates have led to an increase in single parent
families. This undoubtedly has had negative effects. The absence of a second bread winner has brought
additional strain on already deprived families. Long separation amongst spouses, due to distant
employment, has sometimes led to marital breakdown and infidelity.
On deeper reflection, some positive aspects may also be observed. After the loss of husbands, culturally and economically dependent widows are increasingly being compelled to take initiatives and responsibility for family life. The spirituality and courage of some of these women offer fine role models for others and there is growing social acceptance of widows as persons who make a valuable contribution to society.
Also, in many instances where mothers migrate for labour, fathers who stay behind take on new roles as carer of children and provider of food. This balances parental responsibility and reduces the gap between gender roles.
Parallel with these developments however, the trend of domestic violence and male hierarchy still continues. The media, women's organisations and the Church, challenge these trends, calling for dignity and the empowerment of women and equal community amongst males and females. A serious obstacle met in countering this hierarchy is the cultural expectation women also endorse - that they should remain submissive or subdued. Shame (of divorce) and economic dependence add pressure on women to endure these injustices.
A development within poor and middle class urban families in particular, is the dual hardship that working women face in having to supplement income as well as “carry the home” through traditional chores and responsibilities. In spite of some welcome exceptions, women by and large continue to carry the heavier load.
The crisis of uprooted and displaced families due to the war has not been adequately addressed. Sudden changes in habitat, livelihood and routine affect the psyche of the family and reduce rural resilience and dynamism. This results in depression, a sense of insecurity and hopelessness, indifference and the inability to dream dreams. Youth are most vulnerable and liable to be misled and even enticed into violent “causes” and crime.
Another noticeable shift in family life is the change in the central influence of parents in the choice of marriage partners for their adult children. While in urban communities young couples are clearly deciding for themselves, and in very conservative communities parents still make the selection, there is a growing compromise in semi-urban communities where the young people decide but also value parental approval. Also, the rise in priority of qualifications and careers amongst women has delayed the age of marriage and child-bearing.
Another clear change in the quality of family life is the shift in some circles towards the institutionalised care of elders. This is largely due to the migration of families for economic and security reasons, and the prohibitive cost of paid domestic aid. When this happens grandparents and grandchildren are distanced from each other and the extended family system that forges strong community ties is undermined.
These trends are influenced by unprecedented socio-economic factors. The task is to evaluate these factors and discern and inculcate values that stimulate community life and safeguard personal dignity, freedom and growth. The Church and other concerned groups have sought to respond to this challenge mainly at the pastoral and educational level. Education, nutritional feeding centres-cum-pre-schools, medical clinics, seminars, family, pre-marital and marriage counselling, training and equipping for self-help and employment, relief and rehabilitation etc. form these programmes. Yet much more needs to be done. Inter-faith and ecumenical work require more emphasis, as also do progressive legislation and the securing of rights for women and children. Shared responsibility in these concerns brings the added bonus of much needed social trust.
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